Relationships

Social networking is a huge force to be reckoned with.  We are consumed by posting on news feeds, giving status updates, and sharing pictures with our "friends." But what does all of this mean? More than you think...in some cases, this type of behavior can be both physically and emotionally dangerous.

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Several years ago I saw my cousin with her new, love-of-her-life husband, whom she met online. I had never seen her so happy. If my cousin, a 40-something divorced mother of two could find such wonderful match online, perhaps I could too. Little did I know I would meet my husband a day after joining an online dating service.

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Diet relationships are romances where you settle for less, trying to convince yourself it is enough, ultimately feeling unsatisfied. These are relationships where we accept low-fat love as a substitute for the real-deal. Just like diets, these rollercoaster romances aren’t built to last and leave us feeling like failures.

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They say that being a parent is the toughest job in the world, but there is not job that is tougher than becoming a single parent.  No one thinks when they have children that they will be raising them by themselves, but when you get divorced, even though you have an ex, it is still all you when you have your kids.

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One difficult phrase and concept that I try to get clients to understand is “Mind Blowing Intimacy.” This is no surprise as we are inundated with “Mind Blowing Sex” on reality TV, in magazines, on the internet, and in movies. “Mind Blowing Sex” gets the highest media ratings, as well as most couples' attention. In truth, "Mind Blowing Sex" is nothing compared to "Mind Blowing Intimacy." In real life, "Mind Blowing Sex" cannot save a marriage, nor can the lack of it destroy one. "Mind Blowing Intimacy" can save a marriage and the lack of it can destroy a marriage.

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On February 4, 2009 I woke up to find that my husband had died in his sleep from an undetected heart condition. He was forty-nine years old. I was thirty-nine. It was the biggest shock of my life. The first two hours were a blur of emotion, pain, fear, shock, and denial. The next two and a half years have been a lesson in living life much more openly, deeply, and presently.
In the immediate aftermath of his death, I discovered I had two choices. I could either surrender to what had happened, or instead, choose to fight the reality of it all.

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I’ve gotten countless emails this week from people who are married to spouses who “sext,” which is the act of sending flirtatious messages via text message, email, Twitter, Facebook and so on. I wrote this post in response to the question, “Is this cheating? My spouse thinks this is harmless.”

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I’ve been thinking about the meaning of the word “selfish” for a while, ever since various people hurled that insult my way. This post is about some conclusions I’ve reached. I believe it applies to marriage, friendship, family life, and online interactions.

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There are times when we must tell our spouses (and other loved ones) what they don’t want to hear. We know they don’t want to hear it, so we get nervous and anxious, which, in turn, often causes us to say it all wrong. End result: someone ends up in tears. I’ve found that, in such moments, it helps for me to know exactly what I want to say before I open my mouth.

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