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Parenting or Career? Why Choose?

Mary E. Davis

parenting or career

There it is again! It’s that same, familiar twinge of guilt and uncertainty that, we, mothers feel from time to time. We want to do our own thing, explore another side of ourselves, maybe even explore how we can turn a life-long passion into a viable business. As soon as we begin envisioning ourselves in a tailored Tahari suit and pumps, reality calls, summoning us to our crying toddler. Shaking the vision from our head, we look down to find remnants of lunch on our sweat pants, and head off in the direction of the insistent wailing cries.

Only a few miles away another mother wrestles with her decision to go back to work, having left her own baby at a local childcare center. ‘Was it worth it?’ she asks herself. ‘Was it the right decision?’ Jarred by the sound of her beckoning Blackberry, she pulls herself away from her own daydream of rocking her baby to sleep at naptime. She then checks her watch, only to realize she has hours left before she can go home and slip into her comfy sweat pants and cuddle her little cherub.

For many women, these scenarios play out, over and over again, as they try to choose between motherhood and career. But why choose? With so many options available to women today, it is definitely possible to be both a mother and a career woman, and yet still be there for our children. More women than ever before are starting businesses of her own in the U.S. And, their reason for doing so is not always financial!

Entrepreneurial moms frequently cite ‘flexibility’ as one of their top reasons for taking the plunge into self-employment. Working for oneself affords so many opportunities today, especially in terms of motherhood. Setting her own pace, an entrepreneurial mom knows she can be at all of her son’s ballgames; all of her daughter’s recitals; school field trips; class plays; and more. Try asking your employer if you can take off early one day this week to go watch your son’s spelling bee; then two days later, if you can have the afternoon off, so you can chaperone your daughter’s school field trip!

Working for one self does take some ‘creative scheduling’ at times. And, there will be times when you’ll find yourself doing paperwork till midnight after putting the kids to bed. But, in the end, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you were able to be there for your child while also pursuing your other goals.

Bio: Mary E. Davis is the author of THE ENTREPRENEURIAL MOM: Managing for Success in Your Home and Your Business. With over sixteen years experience as an entrepreneur and a mother, Mary has written this book to guide and teach women the life-balance skills necessary to become successful in both entrepreneurship and motherhood, in today's fast-paced world. A Florida native, Mary currently lives in Cocoa, Florida with her husband of over 20 years and their two teenaged children.

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Non-traditional Work Options

Comments

Submitted by M Hodges (not verified) on Thu, 08/27/2009 - 11:04

I truly believe if one has the opportunity to stay home with the children, they should. I realize many women in this world do not, but who is raising this generation of children. Day care workers, teachers or people who have no stake in the outcome of the child's upbringing. I stayed home until my children were grown and then stated to work my passion into a business. I find I have less time now than before. If someone can't work , you do. Owning your business is not the picnic this article seems to infer. Most of the time is total unflexibility! Raising my children to be responsible, independent adults is the greatest accomplishment of my life. No one will ever convince me that motherhood should not come first. If your career is that important, don't have children.
Submitted by Mary E. Davis, ... (not verified) on Fri, 08/28/2009 - 22:30

Good for you, Michelle! You GET what I'm saying then! Being an entrepreneur means that you have the flexibility to dictate your own life, your own schedule, etc. You obviously have the mindset of 'today's entrepreneurial moms!' Thank you for forging ahead and showing other moms that it IS possible to do BOTH today! Best of luck to you!
Submitted by LeNesha (not verified) on Thu, 08/27/2009 - 21:52

The opportunity to stay home with children is such a rewarding experience both for parent and child. In many instances, the decision to stay home can be challenging for various reasons whether financial or not. This article is encouraging because it lets women know that there are options that make staying home with child possible. I'm starting a business with one of my motives as being able to stay home with my children and be as flexible as I choose. I realize that starting a business is extremely time consuming. But, the beauty of calling my own shots is that I can choose my own schedule and delegate, or not, as much as I want while still pursuing my own entrepreneurial passions.
Submitted by Mary E. Davis, ... (not verified) on Fri, 08/28/2009 - 22:26

Obviously, in your case, doing both was not something that you, personally, chose. My point, however, in explaining the benefits of entrepreneurship, is that working for oneself works better than working for another employer, IF you have children. Actually, in my own case, I could have chosen to stay home with my kids and not pursue ownership of my own business, and all it's benefits. (My husband owns several businesses also, unrelated to my own, and that WAS an option actually.) But, I wondered where that would leave me 18 years later, after being out of the business world and out of touch. And, when my kids head off for college in a few years, I'll be ready to think about retiring, having already benefitted from a successful business career, rather than being two decades older, trying to get the hang of 'how the world had changed' while I raised my kids. Being an entrepreneur has meant that my kids get the very best education; are exposed to countless experiences of all kinds; live an awesome life; and travel extensively.........ALL of which are part of their overall development, exposing them to other people, other cultures, etc. And, for me, I truly wanted my daughter to see a mom who had another identity too. And I wanted my son to realize that his mom could do whatever his dad could do. I think he has a respectful, appreciation of females, because he sees them as his equal. (His wife will thank me one day, I hope!) And, anyone who knows my children, would be hard-pressed to find fault in how they were brought up....they're both extremely high achievers, both at the top of their classes, even in an advanced curriculum environment; they're both accomplished musicians; and they both excel in multiple sports. Frankly, I think they're so well-rounded because they know 'no barriers' and 'no labels.' Because they've watched both of their parents excel, they EXPECT to excel themselves. I'm a big believer that 'children learn what they live.' I've always taught my kids to give their best in everything they do and not waste the talents that God has given them. I would have felt like I was not doing all that I was capable of, if I didn't fuel my entrepreneurial spirit while also reaping the blessings of my two children. I have friends who choose to stay home with their kids, and we're both very respectful of one another's choices, realizing that we're lucky to live in a time when we can MAKE that choice. Even THEY agree, that it's usually the moms who only stay home with their kids, who feel like they must defend their decision. The moms who also work outside the home usually don't feel like they have to excuse their decision, probably because they feel fulfilled in all arenas. As far as deciding to EITHER work OR to have children, I know for a FACT, that my children wouldn't be the people they are today, if I DIDN'T do both. And, every time I look at my kids, I like what I see, and I know that MY decision was the best for ALL of us!
Submitted by Mary E. Davis, ... (not verified) on Sun, 08/30/2009 - 11:55

LeNesha~ You're absolutely RIGHT in your thinking! Best of luck in your new venture!
Submitted by Indian Moms (not verified) on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 08:12

In countries like India, it is becoming common for moms to work from home. I think moms who get a chance to work from home are luckier - as they can supervise their children.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 09/13/2009 - 23:12

I was a traditional "stay at home mom" for about 8 years. I did small freelance jobs here and there for "fun" and to keep myself connected. Last year with all three children in school I was able to take on more and have enjoyed the flexibility that working from home allows. I am still able to volunteer at the schools and be there when my children come home. I don't think I could ever go back to working in a traditional office setting!
Submitted by Dayle Walker (not verified) on Sat, 11/07/2009 - 16:39

Great post Mary. You so clearly highlight the benefits of being an entrepreneurial Mom and the need to have the skills of an entrepreneur even though you work from home. Yes, you still need to set goals, meet targets, stay focussed and all that but of course you can be flexible when and where you do all that. It still means work but being there for your kids is priceless! Thanks for inspiring Moms to give it a go and reap the benefits. Regards Dayle

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