Girls Don't Do Anything

Somewhere around the age of 18, I developed a strong belief that mothers should stay at home with their children rather than pursue a career.  I certainly considered women to be equally intelligent and as capable of having a successful career in comparison to men.  I simply felt that such pursuits should be put on hold in order to provide one’s children with a secure and loved upbringing during the most formative years of their lives. If a woman preferred to spend those precious years working and developing an identity outside of motherhood, I asked the contentious question of why she became a mother in the first place.

Please understand that I never harbored such thoughts about women who needed to work in order to support their families. The truth is, many working mothers work mainly due to financial necessity. Multiple studies have proven this fact. A Pew Research Center study found that 48% of mothers would prefer to not work at all (2007). A Work and Family Institute survey showed that 60% of working parents worry about the time spent at work versus the time spent with their children.  And, a Redbook Magazine survey discovered that 63% of mothers work full-time in order to pay for basic expenses. (2007).

Prior to having children, I had a career that I enjoyed. I worked on challenging projects, genuinely liked my boss and co-workers, and made a decent salary. Once I became pregnant with my first child, I was overwhelmed with an almost physical need to keep her out of daycare.  I was fortunate enough to work for someone who allowed me to reduce my hours to a four day work week with two days spent in the office and two days telecommuting. My husband’s parents were extremely helpful and drove one hour to my home in order to stay with my baby when I needed to go into the office. 

Soon, I was expecting once again.  I didn’t know how, but I knew that I would leave my job when the baby was born.  I spent four wonderful years as a stay at home mom before opening my family daycare business.  This was a career choice that allowed me to continue to be home for my youngest child.  Although I enjoy the work, I am planning to return to the regular working world soon.  Now that my children are getting older, I am eagerly anticipating this change.  After an enlightening conversation with my daughter last night, I realize that this decision could not have been made at a better time.

We were sitting at the dinner table recapping some of the fun things that we did over the weekend.  Quite randomly, my son asked, “Dad, when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

“A boxer or an astronaut”, my husband answered.

Naturally, this prompted me to ask, “What do you think you’d like to be someday?”

Without any hesitation, he stated very matter-of-factly, “I want to be a doctor AND an astronaut!”

Much to my dismay, my six-year-old daughter blurted out, “Well, I’m not going to be anything when I grow up.  I’m going to let my husband work.  He will make the money for us to spend.  I am just going to stay at home because that’s what girls do.  Girls don’t do anything!”

I literally felt my stomach slam into the floor.  My initial thought was to ask myself if I did the wrong thing.  Was all of my scrimping and saving to stay at home nothing but a huge and monumental mistake?

I was never someone to sit around eating bonbons and watching soap operas all day.  I spent two of my four years at home completing a master’s degree in education.  And, I always made every effort to keep my children active and involved in various social activities.  Did I forget to mention that I opened my own business?  But, in my daughter’s eyes, I have been at home doing nothing at all.

I began by telling my daughter that she far too intelligent to not do anything with her life.  She has been reading fluently since the age of four, and writing at least two books daily ever since.  I swear that I am not a biased mother when I say that she is highly intelligent.  I tried to explain to her that I took these years to spend with her and her brother while they are very young.  I also pointed out that I continued my education and will soon be working outside of the home.

Unfortunately, I don’t think that my explanation made a substantial impact on her current opinion.  I know that once she becomes accustomed to my new “working” mom role, her perspective will begin to change.  But, I can also see that it is going to take time.

I can honestly say that I do not regret a single moment spent at home with them.  I am forever thankful that I had the option to do so.  I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything in the world.  But, I must admit that my perspective has been permanently altered.  Most women are not able to opt out of the workforce in order to raise their families.  Because of this, it is extremely important for our daughters to understand just how vital it is for them to obtain a good education and to use it to the best of their abilities.  If she still wants to, I hope that my daughter is able to be a stay at home mother for as long as she wants to.  However, she needs to understand that women do many important things for the world and there is no reason that she can’t be a part of that.  Yes, raising secure and happy children who may benefit society in some way is important.  But, our daughters should be aware of their potential allowing nothing to block them in their paths to achieving their dreams, whatever those dreams may be.

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