Playground Politics and Other People's Children

At our weekly play date today, a little boy called the girls “stinky sluts” several times. Clearly he had no idea what it meant (let’s hope!) and was just amused by the alliteration of two new words, but when they came back to tell me and started giggling and calling each OTHER the same thing, I was not happy. Plus, the fact that he directed his idea of humor only at my girls (whom he’d been chasing around), as opposed to boys or other kids, really bugged me. How would a little boy know it was a female-directed name?

Now, I’m so not a confrontational person. I’ve always gone back and forth on playground politics and when to intervene. Mostly I tell the girls to say “NO!” and walk away if they are bothered. Occasionally, if I feel like the other kid’s mom is not responding when someone gets physical, I’ll tell the kid to knock it off and leave my girls alone. But in this case, talking to the child wasn’t really appropriate. Can’t you hear it?

“Hey there, little 4-year-old boy! Stop calling my children sluts! You don’t even know them socially!!”

Yeah, right.

So, I went to the boy and had him take me to find his mom. He looked scared when I tapped him on the shoulder and I immediately started to feel bad. I was nice, though, and just followed him around to where she was sitting. As soon as she saw her little boy run up with another mom following him, her face went serious, and she said, “Oh, no, is everything ok?” She was a totally normal person, just hanging at the play area for something to do for an hour before lunch and nap time. She looked like just about any other mom I know.

And, boy oh boy, was she MORTIFIED when I sat down and gently told her what he’d been saying. (Funny side note: I actually blushed when I said “sluts.” I need to get out more!) Her whole face went red, she covered her mouth and just shook her head and apologized. Then she turned and stared at her son. His face, of course, had gone all oh-no-what-just- happened-there-goes-my-tv-time serious. I told her it was ok, I just figured she’d want to know and I walked away.

First thing she did? Pulled out her cell phone and called, I’m assuming, her husband. Can’t you hear that fun conversation? “So, honey. Guess what little Bobby just said! Hmm, where do you think he learned THAT WORD? Any ideas, SWEETIE?”
After I sat back down with my friends, I watched her from across the room. I felt a little guilty to see how appalled she was, especially when the little boy started crying as she made him get ready to go. I could have just told the girls not to play with him (or repeat him) and left it at that. In my experience, it’s often good to leave the other kid out of it and just explain to MY children what’s not okay and what to do, leaving it up to the other parents to handle their own child. But in this case, my reasoning is that if it were me, I’d want to know.

So whaddya think? Would you have told the mom or let it slide? Is it any of my business what other kids say?

Megan Schwartz is a mom to two (plus one on the way!) and a Hybrid Mom blogger. Read more of her posts here.

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